Chinese Finger Trap Relationships

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Yesterday while texting with a buddy from China I made a tiny obscure joke I wasn't sure he'd remember and pick up on, but he got the joke and I was *tickled pink* he still remembered, appreciated and understood with no explanation needed. Our shorthand is so very short.

I adore this guy in a way different from guys I've met in America and I think it has everything to do with the crap and inconvenience and hardships we battled and two years later I wonder: how long will it be until I don't feel this attachment? I feel similar special attachments to other friends I knew there and sometimes it's like I'm trapped in this tension that will never be assuaged because we'll never live that life again. And if I always feel it, is that okay? To just live with that?

I get attached to people, but as a human being I don't think that's anything to apologize for. Aren't we supposed to? (However, when someone dogs me or is constantly "too busy" or seems to not actually like me as a person, I have no problem cutting them out of my life because who needs that? Zzzzp. Gone.) But sometimes I do feel like no matter what else occurs, these attachments will be special and I can't forget them even if I tried. Maybe that's okay, but two years on, it's still weird to me.

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