Rebecca A. Foster

My little brother is in graduate school for Speech Pathology and I was helping him practice his assessment techniques. He asked me to put the tip of my tongue on the roof of my mouth and open wide. I could barely get my teeth and lips separated. It went something like this: Him: "Okay, open." Me: *barely opens* Him: "No, like this." *touches tongue to roof of his mouth, opens wide* Me: *barely opens* "I'm trying, that's as far as it will go!" Him: "Seriously, you can't open it any farther? Well, okay..." *records something on his paper* Me: "AM I DEFORMED OR WHAT TELL ME NOW" He assured me I was deformed but it was cool, it wasn't going to hurt anything. Haha. No, he told me it was fine, it just meant my tongue was closely and firmly attached behind my bottom teeth more than other peoples' tongues and I have a high palate to boot. How did I live this long and not know my tongue is too tight?? Has anyone I...

If you have ever met someone for the first time and been asked, "What are you?", I think we could be friends. It's a perfectly logical question, really. What I hear: "You look different than what I expect and I need to have a category to place you in, so I want to know: what are you?" I usually explain that my father is (was) American, my mother is Chilean, and yes I look like my American father but with the coloring of my Chilean mother, no I don't speak Spanish as my first language, yes I can speak some Spanish but it is Chilean Spanish, yes I prefer wearing dresses not pants, no I don't go anywhere without lipstick on, yes I dress a little formally, no I'm not Catholic, yes I have been to Chile and can make manjar and pebre and empanadas, no I am not expected to date or marry a Chilean. These are some of the common questions I am asked and I'm not offended by them.(Okay, it is a little embarrassing when I meet someone and they begin spea...

I know many of you are bilingual; so cool! I wish I spoke another language fluently/native-like. I don't. But I do like adopting the words I love in other languages into English, without translating them. I've talked here before about a few words I wish we had equivalents for in English. Here are a couple more: 1. Sancha Origin: Spanish. Means: 'The girl on the side.' We don't have a great translation for it into English. Concubine? Mistress? Illicit Lover? None of those really capture how I heard sancha used in everyday conversation, which in San Antonio, was frequently. (What this says about San Antonians, I'm not sure.) Anyway, I always heard it used as a girl on the side you flirt with and have feelings for, but not necessarily doing anything about. Although you might be. It covers a wide range of doing-ness or not. But if you are in a monogamous relationship, you probably don't want your SO to have a sancha. 2. Ganbei Origin: Mandarin. Means: Em...

A few things this week that made me laugh: 1. A random male student I know asked if he should call me 'Lady Rebecca' or 'Madam Rebecca'. I told him it was okay to call me just 'Rebecca.' But in retrospect, how fun would it be to be called 'Lady Rebecca'? I missed my big chance! (Titles are very important here. Everyone has a title, and you cannot mess them up; I'm not his teacher, so he wasn't sure what to call me.) 2. Remember last weekend I went out of town? On the long-distance bus home, T. and I were listening to Spanish music on his iPod through shared earbuds. (For those unfamiliar with Spanish music, it's very cheesy and dramatic.) He speaks Spanish fluently, but I'm only about 70% fluent in my listening skills, so at one point he began translating the song lyrics for me. Picture it: a long period of silent listening, then he suddenly starts saying things like "My heart can't live without you, our history together will...

In China, locals will tell you you're awesome in an attempt to give you "face." ("Face" is a little bit like good reputation or positive standing and it is an extremely important element in Chinese culture; causing someone to lose face is about the worst thing you can do here. Hence the government's reluctance to admit errors-- it causes them to lose face.) Here are five things I get told are awesome about me in an attempt to give me "face." Please note, these five things do not make me awesome!They are just things foreigners are often complimented on. 1. My eyes. Girls I meet here will often say, "You have really beautiful eyes." What they mean is, "You have round eyes that have an upper lid/lower lid crease fold." Eyelid tape and plastic surgery to create the Western round/double lid look is popular here. There are plastic surgery ads all over the place, but instead of advertising big boobs and lipo, they advertise eye shape...

Me: "Do you have it in a medium? I only see a size small." Lena (beautiful Dominican girl working in the shop I have a girl crush on now because she was so beautiful and cool): "Medium? That's funny, everyone always wants a small, they always ask for a small." Me: "I'm big, I need a medium!" Lena: "No, no, you are beautiful. They need medium, but they all want a small!" (At Tribeca in Washington Heights; I went in to make fun of the spangly, skimpy J.Lo dresses and ended up buying a surprisingly demure and very cute yellow plaid empire-waist raincoat to match my new yellow wellies. Lena at Tribeca, she is awesome. And gorgeous!) ---- Me: *silence* *waiting to pay for my morning Diet Coke* *more silence* *more waiting* Cashier at the corner bodega, restocking at the counter, not noticing me: "Oh, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell me you are standing there? Why didn't you tell me you are ready to pay?" ...

I tend to judge people based on: 1. Their ability to construct and/or understand double entendres 2. Spelling ability 3. Tolerance for spicy food I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying I do. People who can stop me in my tracks with a good double entendre/word play and eat really spicy food go to the top of my list. I love spicy food, but sometimes Tabasco or other hot sauces add too much clashing flavor. So I keep red pepper flakes handy and add them to most things I eat. Soup, sandwiches, pizza, pasta, veggies, etc.: there really isn't anything that doesn't taste better hotter. I even add them to salsa, especially when I can't get to the Mexican market for really spicy salsa. These seem kinda of fancy, I just use the Schilling brand you get at the grocery store for $3.00 or so. I keep a bottle at home and a bottle at work. I think the flakes are better than the powder.

By heritage, I am half Spanish, half Southern. Good manners and social graces are a big deal to me. Which is why I laughed so hard when I got this email from a male friend: "Rebecca, Damn you, Rebecca!" Because when you curse someone out by email, even in jest, it's evidently still polite to address them first by their proper name. (The rest of the e-mail expressed his dismay that I am currently winning my fantasty football league. He doesn't think I deserve to win, as I don't even watch the games. He's probably right.) By the way, it's weird to be in a place where no one says "Miss Rebecca" as a friendly greeting.