Nice Doesn't Mean Spineless

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My first week back I was in the grocery store parking lot late at night. I was opening my car door when a girl approached me out of nowhere. She asked me, "Can I ask you a question?" I finished opening the door, threw my bag onto the far seat, and pushed the door open between us. She wasn't that close to me, but I was instantly on guard. I'm not sure why, but I didn't trust this girl. She was dressed in exercise clothes and seemed fine, but it is not normal to approach strangers in the parking lot at night and ask them if you can ask them a question. I said, "Yes, but please don't come any closer." She faltered a bit, then said, "Do you know where an Autozone is?" Huh? You're in the parking lot of an open grocery store! You go inside and ask if you need one that badly. I said, "No, I don't." while simultaneously getting in the car and shutting the door. I don't know what that girl's intentions were, but something about the situation felt very 'off' to me. Maybe I surprised her by asking her not to come any closer, but I chose to let my instincts override my logic. And I'm glad I did.

We are taught to be nice to strangers, and for some people, this is why they get hurt and/or killed. We can be nice, but not spineless. If something doesn't feel right to you, there is no need to go along with it because it's the 'nice' thing to do. I've done this in the past, and to put it eloquently, it sucks.

Sad to say, it really took living in China for me to learn to stand up for myself and not let things go on that I am uncomfortable with just for the sake of 'niceness.' This might sound selfish, but now I  know: I am the one responsible for me, and no one else is going to look out for me the way I will. So, if that means sometimes not being 'nice,' that's the way it's going to be. However, it IS possible to stand up for yourself nicely; the only options are not 'nice' and 'spineless.' You can be tough, and still kind.

No really, this book is really good. Please read it. I care about all of you.

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