What Happens When You Make The Silliest Decision Ever?

I've been reflecting on my close-to-two years I've spent in China. How have I changed? How have I NOT changed? What have I learned? That sort of boring thing.

And I've mentioned this before, but it's been a stronger feeling for me now: this is probably the silliest thing I've ever done. There is nothing wrong with Peace Corps, or China; they are both worth experiencing. But ME in Peace Corps China? On paper: ridiculous.

I read a good book about grief after my dad died. It said you shouldn't make any major life decisions for at least one year, because basically you are too sad to look at anything objectively in your right mind. I applied for Peace Corps weeks after my dad died. It was just something I always wanted to do, and maybe I felt like life is short and fragile? So, yeah. That's how I ended up here.

I had my education completed, a good job with opportunities, a super cute apartment I still miss and feel sad I don't live in now (click here for pics!), and a good life in America. My friends have houses and/or children and are responsible, fun adults. I didn't have the house or kids, but I was slowly being indoctrinated (haha, kind of). My friends? Super supportive. Pretty openly thought I was mad for walking away from so many things and doing this, but super supportive. I could not have done it without them. But still...what was I thinking?

And I mention this because even though it was probably one of the silliest decisions of my life, these things have a way of working out for our benefit. I am intensely, intensely grateful for this experience. I had a chance to take a step back, take stock of my life, look at where I was going and where I want to be, and see more clearly my faults, my strengths, my blessings and gifts. Things in my future will be different because I did this silly thing. (I am not being facetious when I say silly. It was in fact silly!) And because I truly believe in the value of telling kids that what they can achieve matters. I had teachers who did this for me, and it's an honor to be able to give back.

I mention it out loud, in writing, for those of you who might not know where your decisions will lead you, and worry about that. And I'm here to say: make all the "right" or "wrong" decisions you might make, and if you want to find the good in life, you will be lead to find it, no matter what. I really believe it. Now, moreso than ever.

On a housekeeping note, I have about 70 days left here in China. I fear a lot of what I am going through right as I prepare to leave will be boring to read about (philosophical or administrative), so I will be posting less. But, still posting. I fly home August 7th (!!!).