Relationship Status: It's Complicated
(Note: I really dislike Facebook in theory and practice and I've given up for the second time trying to use it. It's not you, it's me, Facebook. Well, maybe it *is* you.)
China and I have a complicated relationship these days. So many things I miss: my sense of community, my fruit lady, my veggie lady, my shaokao guy, my baozi girl, the stairs and hills and daily walks, the easy-going nights, the fun days of teaching, my friends and students and public transport and feeling like every day was something new. And of course that includes R. and T. and V. and J. and my other close friends there.
Some days I feel like I'm never really going to fit in in America again, or be content here. It would be weird, right, if I spent all that time in China and didn't change? How can I come back and live an ordinary American life again? How can I want to date an American who is going to expect me settle down in a suburb with an SUV? (Short answer: I refuse to do that.)
But then I read an article like I did today, about how China has banned entertainment with time-travel as it's theme, or a few weeks ago when all Google products were blocked (again) and I think, "Really, China? REALLY?? This is a thing you're doing now??"
To be fair, the first things are about people and daily life and the second thing is about the government, but it highlights the complications I feel about China. I could spend both the rest of my life and never another day there.
China and I have a complicated relationship these days. So many things I miss: my sense of community, my fruit lady, my veggie lady, my shaokao guy, my baozi girl, the stairs and hills and daily walks, the easy-going nights, the fun days of teaching, my friends and students and public transport and feeling like every day was something new. And of course that includes R. and T. and V. and J. and my other close friends there.
Some days I feel like I'm never really going to fit in in America again, or be content here. It would be weird, right, if I spent all that time in China and didn't change? How can I come back and live an ordinary American life again? How can I want to date an American who is going to expect me settle down in a suburb with an SUV? (Short answer: I refuse to do that.)
But then I read an article like I did today, about how China has banned entertainment with time-travel as it's theme, or a few weeks ago when all Google products were blocked (again) and I think, "Really, China? REALLY?? This is a thing you're doing now??"
To be fair, the first things are about people and daily life and the second thing is about the government, but it highlights the complications I feel about China. I could spend both the rest of my life and never another day there.
Comments
I would also miss my veggie lady and fruit lady too.
xo