Rebecca A. Foster

It's a tough life lesson that when you try to be more loving, forgiving and in greater harmony with those around you, you will discover that someone you have feelings for, like and care about turns out to be a person capable of doing awful, despicable, unjust things. Your trust is betrayed. If you think you are justified responding with anger, hate, disgust, public shaming and bringing justice for their actions, well... you are. Totally justified. And people encourage you to do all of these things. But you know: this is not who you are trying to be. You could never again be a person who didn't do those things.  When someone breaks your heart and trust, don't break your own soul. They aren't worth your soul. Justice comes of its own accord, in its own time. It's not up to me anymore. When you reach for the capacity to be more loving, turns out you might have to learn that by learning to forgive in your heart (but not your actions) those whose poor choices adversel...

I am retiring from writing here. Technology, opportunities and habits move on. Change is a good thing. I'll send out my info as needed to those with whom I keep in touch. I'm looking forward to awesome, inspiring and just plain joyful events in 2013 and beyond and wish the same for you. Vaya con Dios, amigos! Hasta luego, zai jian, goodbye.

English is missing a word that means 'desire + regret + anxiety + memory + loss + wistfulness'. The nearest I can get is 'Melancholy.' It's not sufficient. But if I could distill all the words in this song, I think I'd be a little closer to the word I'm lacking:  (I thought this was a new song because I'd never heard it before, but it came out when I was in China. A black hole of knowledge filling a black hole of words. If I were smarter, I'd have something clever to say about that.) Mamihlapinatapai . The greatest word I just learned exists. But not the one I'm missing. 

AKA the greatest Christmas party white elephant gift of all time. 

My mom's culture believes in ghosts and the supernatural so I've grown up hearing 'ghost' stories accepted as fact. I am somewhat skeptical of ghost stories, but I do get a kick out of them. An episode of Destination Truth (I know, I love this show) was filmed at Duckett's Grove castle in Ireland to investigate  spooky goings on -- somehow ghost stories in old castles just seem that much more believable and entertaining, you know? I don't think I'll have time to go to Duckett's Grove when I'm in  the UK but it is definitely going on my list for a future trip. I'd like to go to the southwest coast of Ireland, too, as I hear it is one of the most beautiful parts of Ireland. And then there's my fridge; it's been making weird noises that of course don't happen when maintenance goes in to fix it, but I was able to record it on my phone. My coworker informs me it sounds like my fridge is haunted. Oh, that I could be so lucky! Alas, I thi...

I read online about using extra virgin olive oil as a make-up remover. I was skeptical this would not cause breakouts, but I've been using it for about a week and not only has it not caused breakouts, it's cleared up small patches of facial eczema. The winter redness and blotchy skin tone have also cleared up. I highly recommend trying this as a facial eczema remedy. (Steroid creams are not recommended for the face because they cause discoloration and wrinkling from collagen breakdown.) I lightly soak a cotton make-up remover pad in the olive oil and wipe off my make up. I then follow up with a dry cotton make-up remover pad to wipe off any excess oil. I don't use any other cleansers or toners until the morning, when I use a non-alcohol witch hazel toner and day cream. It took only two days to clear up the facial eczema patches I've been trying to treat with other products for the past several months. I've also made coconut oil salt scrub to help with ecze...

1. I hate the first straw, the first time you notice they are capable of doing something to you that you would never do to them, but they seem okay with it. The first straw is giving them the benefit of the doubt, being low maintenance and non-judgmental. 2. But then the straws start piling up and you have to make a choice: how many straws will you let accumulate? 3. I love the last straw. I'm grateful for the last straw. The last straw is clarity, resolve and peace. It is choosing to redirect your energy toward positive things instead of using it to rationalize the size and growth of the straw pile. 4. The last straw means there will be no more straws. Relief.

Because I must have this dress, I'm going to look incredible while I put together this year's puzzle and have a Netflix marathon. Wooo! I'll post pics.  Or maybe I'll actually take the dress' advice and go out this year!

My co-worker J. and I were bickering about whether or not my office candle warmer gets hot enough to A. start a fire and B. cook food. There was only one way to settle this...assume the fire question  is a yes for safety reasons, and try to cook an egg. He numbered a raw egg into 4 quadrants and my job was to turn the egg 90 degrees every hour for 4 hours: Now, 4 hours later, we're ready to take the egg into the break room to see if it cooked. It was hot, so he carried it in a soup bowl lid:  And... here, you can see the results for yourself:

This article in today's NYT reminded me of my first visit to NYC in the 90's after getting a cell phone. After landing, I was trying to call my cousin from the gate (remember when people picking you up could come to the gate??) and couldn't make a call. I called my service provider and was told that so many stolen cell phones end up in NYC, the carrier automatically suspended service for roaming in NYC; I would've had to call before my trip to ask for it to remain unlocked. Of course, I had no idea of their policy so I didn't make advance arrangements. They did unlock my service, though, and I was able to use my phone in NYC with no problem. I'd forgotten about that. Weird throwback cell phone practice history. This was the phone I was using:

Yesterday while texting with a buddy from China I made a tiny obscure joke I wasn't sure he'd remember and pick up on, but he got the joke and I was *tickled pink* he still remembered, appreciated and understood with no explanation needed. Our shorthand is so very short. I adore this guy in a way different from guys I've met in America and I think it has everything to do with the crap and inconvenience and hardships we battled and two years later I wonder: how long will it be until I don't feel this attachment? I feel similar special attachments to other friends I knew there and sometimes it's like I'm trapped in this tension that will never be assuaged because we'll never live that life again. And if I always feel it, is that okay? To just live with that? I get attached to people, but as a human being I don't think that's anything to apologize for. Aren't we supposed to? (However, when someone dogs me or is constantly "too busy"...

...because I can't sleep now thanks to his show, so it's only fair, right? My new celebrity crush, Josh Gates, who hosts the very entertaining cable show Destination Truth  (available for streaming on Netflix) and who also introduced me to the macabre Doll Island of Mexico and ghosts of Chernobyl's dead city, amongst other creepy things, and is now the reason I'm awake in bed at midnight wishing I had a thermal imaging camera to confirm or deny the shadows in my apartment are ghosts. I mean, come on Josh, you started it...finish it! (His show is creepy, but he is charming and hilarious, two of my favorite things in the opposite sex. AND he travels the world investigating legends? I have no defenses. My passport loves his passport.)

I like small alpine trees for Christmas trees because I can do themes; this year, I've done Chinese and personal significance themed trees (and a generic Christmas theme tree). I only have 3 trees this year, but I'll add 2 larger trees next year.  The little dragon is in memory of my grandpa, who called me Puff (as in the Magic Dragon). Up until he died, he sent me birthday and holiday cards addressed to "Puff Foster."  The Raggedy Ann doll is in honor of my grandma; we made a Raggedy Ann quilt together and she surprised me with dolls and books.  The little alpalca is Chilean. The Texas ornaments were gifts from my family. I'll add ornaments of significance as I come across them; I hope to have enough to fill a full tree someday. (I'll definitely pick some up in the UK and Germany in honor of my college major and my dad's military service.) 

I sent my cute, exuberant, talkative coworker this picture. We had to have a (non-serious) conversation about early morning talking, in which I asked (very jokingly) if she has cocaine for breakfast because OMG THE TALKING IT IS NON STOP AND WAY TOO EARLY TO SAY SO MANY WORDS IN A ROW.  Now she always checks if it's BC (before coffee) or AC (after coffee) before launching in. She is hilarious, I love working with her, but yeah, the picture still stands. I'm a morning person only in that I wake up early; interaction is another story.

Busy week last week! I had a (fun!) out-of-town guest, then went on a road trip to visit family. My grandma has Alzheimer's and this was the first time she didn't really know who I was; she knew I was important to her, but couldn't place how or why. Seeing her so sad and lonely and confused is heartbreaking. I used to volunteer at an Alzheimer's home so I've thought I was prepared for all these stages, but it's different when it's someone you have loved your whole life, and vice versa. That person is still living, but is no longer here. She is an amazing woman who labored hard all her life for others and taught me some of the very best things I know. She was my close friend and knew a lot of my secrets. So we sit on the couch together and hug and she cries. Dementia is heartbreaking. Two things happened on the way home: I evidently took a road trip through time as well as space, because I pulled up to this at a middle-of-nowhere pump: I did not get...

Taken from my 3rd floor balcony.

This product cracks me up! It's not a bad product and evidently there is a market for it, but for $24.99 my forearm will fit in there just fine! (Sometimes I wake up that way so I know it works.) The only problem I ever have with boobs while asleep is that I prefer sleeping on my stomach and it can be uncomfortable. Again, I end up with my forearm offering support. In fact this product would be much funnier if it were shaped like an arm with a hand hanging off the end, no?

Nature is unpredictable, unrelenting and just plain unmerciful. Really, Nature, a snowstorm on top of a hurricane?? I'm scared of the earthquake that will decimate the Salt Lake valley when it hits, but at least that's a one-time, over hundreds of years, occurrence; the likelihood of it happening while I am here is very small. But these hurricanes and tornadoes will likely happen again next year, and possibly to those who went through it this year. Ugh. I feel for those living in that area. I wish there were more we could directly do from far away. I'm trying to learn from Sandy and get my 5-day supply of water, food, heat and money (small bills!) in order. I don't have any fuel in storage and need to teach myself how to store it safely before I do so, but that is on my list. Luckily in China I learned how to handle contaminated water, food and lack of heat. These are miserable things, though. (Most of our heating solutions there were unsafe. But they were all ...

Salt Lake City is a test market for the Isis Wallet cellphone payment app being rolled out by T-Mobile and Verizon. I've been using it about 2 weeks now on my Galaxy Note 2.  I got $25 dollars free on my account for setting it up. Here is my review: Pros: You have to use a PIN to open the app so there is no chance of you randomly paying for something by walking by a register. You can only log in from one SIM card. If your phone gets stolen, you can deactivate your account from the web.  If the transaction is under $25, you don't have to sign for it. A confirmation comes up on the pay terminal and your phone so you know what was deducted.  You don't have to input your debit card PIN number into the store's pay terminal. (I've had to get a new debit card twice because of PIN number fraud at a store.) You can add money to it from the app itself from bank accounts, debit or credit card (I transferred funds from a debit card). You can set up direct deposit from pa...

(I'd love to personalize this with an actual dude's I know photo and send it to him, but for now this model is okay too.) (Ha ha ha.)  (Gotta have a grandma-appropriate version, too. On second thought, she'd really like that gingerbread man one!) I made these on the Martha Stewart CraftStudio app on my iPad. I'm just playing around with it and I'll be printing these out to test the quality. But! So far it's fun. I did these Sunday afternoon in about 30 minutes. I'm not very creative when it comes to making cards, so if I can make one, anyone can. If I like the final product, I'll design a few more personalized for friends and family. (The app was free when I downloaded it but now I think it's $4.99. The special Christmas theme collection was $1.99. Making your own saucy Christmas cards? Priceless.)