It's a tough life lesson that when you try to be more loving, forgiving and in greater harmony with those around you, you will discover that someone you have feelings for, like and care about turns out to be a person capable of doing awful, despicable, unjust things. Your trust is betrayed. If you think you are justified responding with anger, hate, disgust, public shaming and bringing justice for their actions, well... you are. Totally justified. And people encourage you to do all of these things. But you know: this is not who you are trying to be. You could never again be a person who didn't do those things. When someone breaks your heart and trust, don't break your own soul. They aren't worth your soul. Justice comes of its own accord, in its own time. It's not up to me anymore. When you reach for the capacity to be more loving, turns out you might have to learn that by learning to forgive in your heart (but not your actions) those whose poor choices adversel...
Back in San Antonio, my friend Stacey had asked me to pick her up from the airport. It was full summer, and for those of you who haven't been in San Antonio in the summertime, you know that expression 'hot as an oven'? Well, I like to say San Antonio summers are 'hot as downwind from an exhaust pipe.' (Which means when you actually are downwind from an exhaust pipe, things get really unpleasant.) It's quite common for there to be a temperature difference of 35-40 degrees between indoor and outdoor air during a San Antonio summer. True story: I had a small heater at my work desk and turned it on in the summer, not winter, because the air conditioning was on so high in our building I froze to death at my desk. So anyway, I go straight from the gym to the airport to pick up Stacey. It's 10 pm but still around 100 degrees outside. Inside, it's a balmy 60 or so. Gotta give those tourists a false sense of comfort! I'm pacing a bit in the baggage area wa...
Yesterday while texting with a buddy from China I made a tiny obscure joke I wasn't sure he'd remember and pick up on, but he got the joke and I was *tickled pink* he still remembered, appreciated and understood with no explanation needed. Our shorthand is so very short. I adore this guy in a way different from guys I've met in America and I think it has everything to do with the crap and inconvenience and hardships we battled and two years later I wonder: how long will it be until I don't feel this attachment? I feel similar special attachments to other friends I knew there and sometimes it's like I'm trapped in this tension that will never be assuaged because we'll never live that life again. And if I always feel it, is that okay? To just live with that? I get attached to people, but as a human being I don't think that's anything to apologize for. Aren't we supposed to? (However, when someone dogs me or is constantly "too busy"...
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