Friendship Sadness Part 2: Happiness and the Ego
My gut reaction is to cut off and ignore people who make me sad, and this is how I sometimes handled things in the past. And now I know: this is no way to deal with sadness or treat another human being. I want to go back and say I'm sorry to the people I did this to. I was wrong.
Thinking and writing about sadness (which sadness I realize is the result of my own expectations) I've realized: if I remove my ego from this situation, there is no sadness. Because it is my ego that is sad, not me.
I keep going back to my dad's advice: Happiness is largely a matter of managing your own expectations. What he was also saying: remove your ego, and there is no reason to not be happy.
I'm kind of a dirtbag sometimes, because I mistakenly think I understand other people's motivations. But actually I don't know whether I understand or not, I'm just guessing based on my own biases. Thinking I understand? Ego. (If you act like you like me or are attracted to me, I believe you are motivated to want to know me and spend time talking to/with me. I guess I am naive in this way.)
So I've made the decision to remove my ego, and my supposed understanding of motivation, from this situation that I've been feeling so sad about for several weeks. I decided to not believe I understand the motivation behind this person's actions.
I have no idea if this is the right or wrong solution. But it's what I think my dad was trying to teach me. In his memory, I'm willing to try.
UPDATE: I was telling a male friend about this, and the events that prompted it, and his response was, " F*** that guy. Never speak to him again." Ha, I don't know if it's a gender or personality difference, but I did chuckle at how different our responses to the same situation are!
Thinking and writing about sadness (which sadness I realize is the result of my own expectations) I've realized: if I remove my ego from this situation, there is no sadness. Because it is my ego that is sad, not me.
I keep going back to my dad's advice: Happiness is largely a matter of managing your own expectations. What he was also saying: remove your ego, and there is no reason to not be happy.
I'm kind of a dirtbag sometimes, because I mistakenly think I understand other people's motivations. But actually I don't know whether I understand or not, I'm just guessing based on my own biases. Thinking I understand? Ego. (If you act like you like me or are attracted to me, I believe you are motivated to want to know me and spend time talking to/with me. I guess I am naive in this way.)
So I've made the decision to remove my ego, and my supposed understanding of motivation, from this situation that I've been feeling so sad about for several weeks. I decided to not believe I understand the motivation behind this person's actions.
I have no idea if this is the right or wrong solution. But it's what I think my dad was trying to teach me. In his memory, I'm willing to try.
UPDATE: I was telling a male friend about this, and the events that prompted it, and his response was, " F*** that guy. Never speak to him again." Ha, I don't know if it's a gender or personality difference, but I did chuckle at how different our responses to the same situation are!
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