One Year
Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my dad's death. A lot of memories: the morphine, the labored breathing, the brief return to consciousness before dying that is common with terminal patients, sitting by the bed holding his hand, telling him it was okay to leave us, that we would be okay without him. (I need to keep that promise.) My dad's last words to us? "Okay, I'll see you later." I miss him a lot. There are times this past year, I honest to God (He knows) didn't think I'd make it through. But I did, I made it through a year without my dad. One down, ? to go.
This is my favorite picture of us. He probably had an easier time fishing alone. But he took me along and nurtured me in so many areas of life. We enjoyed each other's company, right from the start. (Also, because I always have to pee at inopportune times. It's nice to know that isn't a new thing with me.)
Comments
You made it through the first year!! It truly is the hardest one. You will still miss him, your heartstrings will still tug when a holiday comes around and there's an empty spot, and you will still reach for the phone to call; you will ALWAYS feel this way. I am told it does dull with time, and in ways it has, and in others not so much.
Focus on the positive, rely on your faith, embrace your memories and SMILE at them. Laugh out loud even. I talk to my Mom regularily while I drive; I seriously talk out loud. I am one of those people you look over at in the next car and say "look at that moron talking to herself". I don't care, it comforts me and it helps me work through stuff I can no longer get my Mom's advice on.
Just remember your Dad is only as far away as your heart and as close as your memories.
I am proud of you Becca, you made it through a tough period; be proud of yourself and know that your Dad is proud of you too!
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
P.S. You look sooooooo cute sittin' on that potty :-)
I love the picture of you and your dad. He looks so happy...like there's nothing he'd rather be doing than spending time with his little girl.
I'm so glad you have so many wonderful memories of him. I'm really grateful that you got to be with him when he passed away. And I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with the pain of his loss.
All I really want to tell you is that I love you. I'm so glad you moved to Texas for a while and that we became friends. You're amazing.
Jessica, aw, thanks. What you can't see is that my coat has a long pointy hood, like an elf. It's pretty funny. And I sincerely hope it is nothing you have to go through anytime soon. But from what I know of your physical challenges you've had, you are very strong too. You don't get through those without a lot of mental toughness.
Sarah, ditto! I can't say it better than you did, how glad I am we are friends. It's weird, I never thought I would leave Texas. Home for life. I remember how tough it was to make that decision to move here, I agonized over it. After my dad died, I knew there was no other option I could have chosen. But I've had to grieve for the life I left behind, too. The way I thought things would be. And aren't. But, again, upward and onward. Doors closed, now I am looking for all the open windows I can find. Friends make all the difference! Love you too!
I really can't put any of them into words, just...keep staying strong, and funny, and awesome. :)
sounds like you have great friends with great words of comfort. Just know I'm thinking of you too. (if you want a good laugh go to my blog and check out crazy husband link!)
Kirsten, I can only imagine, I will. And thank you, hope to see you soon!